My sweet little Baby Bennett,

Let me introduce myself: I’m the women who has been dreaming about you ever since I met the man of my dreams. You don’t need to know much about me, except for the fact that I’m waiting (im)patiently for you. Everyone calls me Lauren, but you can call me Mama, or Ma, or Mommy, or as your Grand spells it “Mommie”. She is also super cool, but we will talk about your grandparents in another post. I love warm weather, the beach (which we actually live next to), being out and about with friends and family, and complaining about working out (but I secretly love it). I love being around others. I am what you will call an extrovert. I get my energy and life fulfillment by being with other people and learning about them.

I dream about you all the time and can feel you in my arms at night. Your most prominent feature in my dreams is your hair! Thick, dark hair just like your Daddy. Not only that, you have dark skin and eyes just like him. Basically, you are one good lookin’ babe. Kudos, my cub. I’m so in love with you already. I’ve loved you ever since we decided we wanted a “you”, over 4 years ago. And I’ve never been so ready to hear that you will be joining Daddy and I on all the adventures we have.

Speaking of Daddy, I’m so so anxious to tell you about him, so let me just dive into it. Everyone calls him Andy and he is the best. Period. He is patient, kind, smart, humble, and incredibly attractive. I pray all the time that you have most of his features. For real. Like, once you see him, you will be like “Dang…the old man got game.” He is a bridge engineer, which means that we travel around the country to build bridges. How cool is that? The quick and dirty is that we both grew up in central Illinois in Gibson City (weird, but be patient, you will hear all about it), and while I lived in the greatest city on the planet and city of the greatest sports teams, Chicago, your Dad lived in Charleston, South Carolina (equally as cool). From there we lived in New Haven, CT for 5 years where we met our bestest friends and Tribe. Oh my gosh, our Tribe. You are just going to L.O.V.E. them. Sadly, we had to leave them to move to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where we currently reside. We love it here, but miss our friends and family. Anyway, back to your Dad and his job…I told you he was smart! He knows so much about so much and his bridges are so cool. Like totally brag worthy at school and while I’ll teach you to be humble, it is totally ok to brag about your Dad. I can’t wait to show you pictures of all the bridges he has built.

He loves you so much. I wish I could explain how ready he is to meet you. The world needs more people like him, and I cannot wait for the day you are able to realize how amazing he is and want to grow up to be just like him.

He is tall and his voice is low, but soft and kind. He is the first to offer help when he recognizes it is needed. He listens with great intent to understand you and will hold you hand when you hurt, even though he struggles to feel emotion sometimes. He knows how to fix things, anything, you name it! He can play the piano, guitar, trumpet, and has a bass voice to die for. And for some reason, this man loves me! How I landed this catch, I will never truly know.

So let’s get straight to it. Why am I writing you now after 4 years? Well, this is honestly the first time I’ve felt like you could be reading this soon. I know that someday, in your teen years and beyond, you will NOT want to hear all this, but I feel compelled to tell you every step of this journey, because it is amazing.

Your Dad and I were married in June 2010, after only a few months of dating. What can I say? Your Dad just asked over the phone, and I said “That sounds good.” And the rest is history (which I will be sure to write to you in other post). After about two years in August 2012, we felt like we were ready to add to our little fam bam. So like most couples, we started trying (ewwww…gross….). Months went by, and after about a year, we realized this may not be as easy as we thought, which was devastating. Life wasn’t supposed to go this way. You know the saying (actually, I won’t teach you this saying): First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes XX with the baby carriage. Baby Bennett, let me tell you, there can so many steps in between marriage and the carriage. I hope there isn’t, but I feel the world needs to know that it isn’t always cut and dry.

Fast forward to January 19, 2017 — after multiple failed “less invasive” treatments at Yale (yes, THAT Yale), we are now pursuing In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) at Jones Institute in Norfolk, Virginia. We’ve had our first appointment, and our medication starts tomorrow. It seems so surreal. Getting here wasn’t easy and by the prayers, support, and grace of many, many, many amazing people, we finally have the chance to pursue this opportunity, which I will explain at another time, to bring you into this world.

The trust is, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but I’m hoping you will. You see, I think this blog is as much for me as it is for you. The past four years have not been easy. Many tears, days spent grieving, fights with Daddy, and feeling so alone have happen countless times. And if I’m honest with you, which I’m assuming I can be because, come on, I’m your Ma, I just need an outlet. I’ve thought about you so much that it seems silly to just keep in all in my head when I could be documenting your arrival and all that has led up to it! The most important thing to remember when you read this is that while our journey has been dark, scary, lonely, and sad, it has been amazing, hopeful, and full of love. Through it all, God has been good and continues to be good. And because of Him, and the selflessness of my Tribe members, who you will meet in a future letter, your arrival seems ever nearing.

Through out this blog, you will find accounts of our journey to you. It won’t be pretty, sugar-coated, or always happy, but I promise you, it will be entertaining and a tiny glimpse into how much you are wanted by so many people.

My sweet baby, this journey will be more than we both bargained for. But the moment we meet, I promise we will learn together, love hard, play every day, fight over what’s for dinner, and snuggle with Daddy after a long day (which in my opinion, is the best).

The world is so ready for you.

xoxo,

Mama